In response to: I Can’t Stay Mad at You
‘Do you hold grudges or do you believe in forgive and forget?’
Ok, so it has been far too long since I posted anything on here. But as I’m sure you can understand university is pretty hard work: reading, essay writing, social life, being an adult. But I’m going to start getting back into my blogging!
And the answer to the task at hand: Both. I will push things aside and not let them truly bother me until I just can’t anymore and explode. I’ll stay angry for a few weeks but then I always end up saying sorry – even if it wasn’t my fault- and finding a way to move on together.
So… as usual there was/is a boy on the scene. He’s nice and has the type of smile that reminds you of a naughty 6 year old. But it’s not love, it’s not even dating. We’re doing the whole modern thing of ‘friends with benefits’. You can say what you like about it but right now it works for me, maybe in a few months it won’t but for now it does. But we have had a few bumps in the road already. For the past month we’ve been ignoring each other after I meet the other girl that he was seeing. It hurt. I found out that they treated each other in a way that was kind and caring, and it sounded nothing like how we acted with one another. And me and this girl sat across from one another saying we were so sorry. It made me feel guilty as I knew about her but she didn’t know about me. So I stopped seeing the boy.
But, like any teenage girl, my mind didn’t agree with that. So i kept thinking about him and feeling guilty because my friends had messaged him saying not very nice things to him in order to look after me – even at the time I wasn’t exactly sure it was a good idea to get them involved, i was just too stressed to do it alone.
So eventually we talked and were ok. We weren’t friends, but the air was cleared.
Then things got bad again after I sent some not so nice drunk texts.
This all made it worse when I bumped into the boy at a club. And… well we sorted things a bit and decided to go home together. But then I found out that he’d been seeing the other girl again despite being told by my friends that she was having nothing to do with him. And I just broke down into tears and walked away. Not sure who I could trust, and if I’m honest i’m still not sure who I can trust.
But…. I forgave the boy and my friends. And now I’m a happy single girl who has a FWB and my friends. I apologised for all of it, not certain that it was my fault, and we talked and we cuddled and we realised that it was everyone elses involvement in our arrangement that was messing with our heads – theres a lot more that was said to me that resulted in me getting all mixed up, but the ins and outs arent all that important any more.
So I cried, I complained and then I apologised for our joint faults because yes I do like to hold a grudge, but sometimes you have to let it all go and move on with your life.